I want to rant. I want rant hard.
But then, I feel like I dont know how to spill. Suddenly, expressing all my heart out is so hard, soooo depressing and tiring.
Tapi kalau asyik fikir give up tak boleh jugak. Nak lari pun kalau tuhan kata nyawa masih di situ, tak keluar dari tubuh, takkan juga tamat hidupnya. Sejauh mana usaha manusia nak suicide, kalau tuhan dah kata, nyawa masih mengalir dalam tubuh tak ada yang mustahil untuk seseorang terus hidup.
When I fold my sleeve, all I can see is big regrets. Painful regrets. Haih. But, sometimes, I do feel like I can't promise to myself that this scars will bleed again. I can't promise to myself that I will hold myself. Like what I don't expect to be real long time ago.I thought those things that happened to those juniors of mine will never happened to me. But I am wrong. Things that I don't expect the most happened to me.
Why do I have to have this fear? Fear of everything? Some might say I am mad. haha. But I guess, this is what I have to face. This fear inside me, everytime they forced me to do something that makes me felt so scared, my head feels like it's almost gonna burst, and I can't stop myself from teary. They don't feel the battle inside me. Everytime the fear came. Its so painful, I feel like I want to give up every minute it choked me up. They don't understand. Wont ever, will never. How can I say this, its just so hard. So hard that I feel like I rather die.
Ik-sis what? another big responsibility coming up. and the battle in my head mentally begin.
I am such a complicated girl, you could say that. Bossy, noisy, etc etc. I don't like to meet new people. I just don't like to. I don't know, maybe because I don't know what to say. and because I am scared of new people. (well I am fear of everything). I would rathr stay in my room forever. (If I can choose. but I can't) I don't like moody people. Just keep it when you're alone. huhu. Apa lagi apa lagi. I am so done with my life, but I cant give up just yet. Long way to go. Fighting!!! I am still trying my best to face my fear. I will feel like I want to give up, but whatever just ignore me. Dont say anything. still, I ill try my best tho. I might end up cry, ignore me. I will cry more often maybe after this.
A long way to go, more big responsibilities await. Haqxta, Fighting!