Nightmare --
For all the things that I've done, to god and to myself, I assume, I don't deserve to be happy. Happiness is for those who do good. Thing will be a sad-happy day everyday. I will try to look happy in front of people but I am actually cursing muself on the inside for being happy when I know I don't deserve it. Whenever I think about how happy I am about a lot of things like when It comes to my family, this one precious crush, I'll be cursing myself again, cause I, am myself, dont deserve happiness at all. Being sad is not an option, same goes with being happy is not an option for me. Being Sad is compulsory, being happy is a crime. That's what I believe. So whenever I feel sad and cry, that's the normal me. My life is full of sadness that its not enough yet. I deserve more sadness than happiness in life. God. Life is hard isnt it?
