Acknowledge

Have you ever felt like you don't deserve anything from anyone?

Eventually I guess everyone must have feel like that once in a while.

And I guess it is always a little too much for me to think that way, like almost all the time.

I guess I beat myself way too hard and way too long, its hard to stop.

A few times, I try to to take a break and try to comfort myself, theres nothing I can do except for the feeling of worthless just piled up. Whenever I see or hear how someone love themselves so much, I always have this heart-wrenching, and somehow happy for them cuz I can't feel those towards myself.

A small gesture towards me makes me feel like I don't deserve anything good and that makes me feel even worse. 

And I am trying to acknowledge this hatred that I have towards myself. 

I don't think of shedding-it-off of myself. Maybe because deep down I don't see any reason to live anymore. Why should I even try to make me love myself when in the end I just want to end it. 

Now I've come into realisation the reason why I don't even want to try to love myself more might not be because I am scared, but because I don't feel like living anymore.

What a pathetic human being.

Happy living in pain, tee—