#AkudanRamadhan

It was already passes 10th day of the first phase of ramadhan, time passes by too quick, I dont  even realize tht My tilawah were long stop since god gave me 8 days break from fasting. But as everyday passing by, I do feel kind of sorrow and sad for not completing my tilawah on the right time. Ada waktu yang aku lebih memikirkan amal aku kerana aku takut waktu takkan pernah berbaik dengan aku dan membiarkan hanya penyesalan yang aku rasa. Takut-takut this will be the very last ramadhan I will be struggling amd trying to be angel while I obviously cannot on other month sebab syaitan belaka i cannot fight over my nafsu apalagi syaitanirrajim, nauzubillah even worse than them. As I get older and uglier, (no puberty hit for me, unfortunately truck takde pulak nak hit aku turn into more decent, sigh) I tend to appreciate things more. In other word, becoming older and more mature in handling things, tho I am not fully mature (i dont even know when will i be mature enough to be a mother. Wth) appreciating these days tht God granted me with, appreciating every little lesson tht god presented to me, yass I do take most of 'em in a positive way. And the best gift ever, is letting me the filthiest human being ever to meet again with this purification month of Ramadhan. Its an honour.  ☺ so far, facing the first phase of ramadhan walaupun sipi-sipi, I feel great over those days. It feels so amazingly beautiful to do good deeds over bad deeds. Kau rasa sangat bersyukur sebab among nikmat yang tuhan dah stop granted for you masih ada nikmat kemanisan berbuat amal baik yang tuhan tak tarik lagi. And of course, bila kau sedar yang ada nikmat manis beribadah yg sebelum ni kau rasa macam tuhan sayang kau, dah hilang kau sedar yang nampak sangat iman kau pun dah yanqus sangat sebab ujian iman tu tuhan dah tak bagi sebab obviously kau dah selalu sangat kufur nikmat before this. It was such a missing puzzle when You barely can feel the sweetness of something good bila kau buat something, you feel less interest nak proceed kebaikan tu. Dan like legit thts your mistake lagi kau rasa like useless nya kau, kotornya kau. But, God is always so merciful and kind, Dia masih tinggalkan sisa-sisa kebaikan dalam diri kau. Still those days, He makes it easy for me to do good deeds and letting me melihat rahmah dalam beberrapa perkara yang jadi around me. I am so bless and thankful for those. Dan untuk beberapa sisa hari ini, hopefully I could do more on this month dan thoroughly purify myself untuk menghadapi more challenging month upwards dengan bekal perlatihan di bulan ramadhan ni. Because struggling on normal month selalu sangat tersungkur and failed, so moga-moga instead of syaitan less active ni, bolehlah latih diri untuk jadi bit angel sikit walaupun kau memang asal syaiton. but trying for good aint a crime what, untuk melatih diri walaupun supposedly dah start before ramadhan kita still boleh go on dan mujahadah on our lopong-lopong day. Before starting ramadhan I do reflect on my past ramadhan and all I could rate for my last ramadhan was like 5 stars over ten. Dia macam half je kau mampu bagi, si hopefully I wanted to go beyond that 5 stars and try to graduate as mahasiswa ramadhan yang brrjaya dapat four flat, at least if tak dapat four flat dpt deans list pun okay lah. And hopefully everybodyh can have a good ramadhan takpelah orang nak kata you're hypocrite for sudden angelic human being asalkan being good is obviously not hypocrisy itu namanya kembali pada fitrah. May all of us can have a good ramadhan di mana tuhan beri kita nikmat not only kebahagiaan semasa berbuka semata atau bazaar ramadhan je but bahagia dengan the whole month of ramadhan itself because we can do good without feeling pressure and God give us happiness over this beautiful month.

Regards,
Mahasiswa yang belum lepas ramadhan sempurna, Tejazz |