because no one is into blog nowadays, so here I am ranting everything here again.
Being a person who don't know how to tell nor share with people how you feel is kinda tough. Its so hard that you will always choose to just randomly rant on any social media, to at least let things go and live your life peacefully. Its a compulsory kinda thing, but need to put a limit to randomly tweet about how I feel on twitter, because there's lot of people reading and I need to behave, yeah.
Can I just randomly rant about what in my mind now, now like freaking 1:52AM. Yes, of course I can, its my freaking blog, I can do what i want. Ahah.
My morning was quite good, Got 1 class cuz the other two were postponed. and one whole day to rest, since i dont know why I am so restless and tired. Meeting least of human that will always be the faourite thing of mine. Yep, I am kind of introvert, and I always choose to stay alone in my room and not meeting people nor socializing with human because I just feel like so Insecure and scared to. Yep, its pathetic for me to actually feel scared of socializing with human, but I got no power to feel like I am not when I am so freaking scared. There're things that I can't possibly hushhush away, because I don't how to. If I ever find any way to actually pull that scared-ish away from my life, I would totally do it.
and yes, I am still feeling so lifeless, I think about death more than trying to live my life to the fullest. I am still thinking about how those people's eyes look at me, and yep, negative thinking always win over the positive. I can't sort out any kind of good things out of the way people look at me. But, naa I don't do 'Blaming people' I do 'Blaming me.' cuz I know I am the worst. Nak nangis do.
holding everything inside alone, is not easy tho. and Why with my freaking mind, always think that I am worthless, that I shouldnt say anything. That I should just shut my freaking mouth don't say anything, You should just die. Whenever they look at you, with this certain way, and all you could see is they hate you and they're so annoyed with you, Ya Allah tiring do. No matter how I try to be positive, the negative thinking will always win. So, how. Tell me how to live this life better? When can I stop telling myself that I am hopeless and worthless? When? and as always, Stay strong, chin up. Moga ada kekuatan sikit-sikit yang mampu menguatkan kau, eventho kau rasa nak mati je sentiasa. Fake that smile, Live your life as if You're happy with it, moga-moga suatu hari ada genuine happiness yang akan datang.
Terus kuat.
