mind my english. It's broken as my heart.
through growing up, what I've discovered is that, this world is very vast. A lot of things to learn about and discover. A lot of people to meet and learn from 'em. and life is not perfect without the 'feeling' that God granted to us. Feeling is something that is among the important things that we need in order to be a "human" in this world. Its not that we need it, but we have it. But sometimes, its just normal for us to actually feel the need to not have 'feeling'. At least once in a lifetime, we will be dreaming about being heartless, when we're too tired of how this life and this vast world moving around. But of course, we can never be heartless even if we try to throw our heart away.
When it comes to feeling, it can be either simple or complicated. and its natural to sometimes be in a very complicated situation-- I mean feeling nor a very light-weight feeling. and these things what we called-- Feeling are sometimes over controlled us to the brink of destruction. I, do even sometimes, let the feeling of mine to control me, myself, where I do self harm and obviously its a destruction of myself.
To have feeling, generally is actually something that Allah granted for us to be a very helpful and completely perfect for us. We're the one who have the power with Allah's Will to control and keep it on the right track. Its absolutely logic and normal for us sometimes to stumble and makes mistakes. Duhh, we're literally human not Angel daaaa. Its okay to tell ourselves that its okay to sometimes stumble upon something that related with our feeling, but not just a mere mistakes that we don't take it as a lesson. And This world is the place for us to make mistakes and learn from it. Nahnu, tolib, a student of this journey of Life, two or three or 100th time of mistakes ain't hurt us from trying to be better and better human aren't we? Of course, Blood and tears for a betterment of oneself is totally okay.
doh, I am literally remind myself not to give up tho. This suffocated feeling you feel everyday, every hour, every min, every sec, May, you stay forever strong, and be in the right track. No pain, no gain. May Allah grant you strength and ease your way, dear self.