A little hello before Goodnight?

So, hello there.
Been wanting to write again for so long, it just that whenever I start to write, then I stopped. Word, sometimes cant conveys what I feel inside.
And yeah, 7 days travelling to indonesia somehow makes me ponder on a lot of things.
And among the thing that Ive been thinking are about my life basically.
One of it that have been bothering me for the past few month is I am feeling completely lonely at time. Like there is something missing inside me.
And usually Ill recover it with the best remedies; Pray and pray and pray. (Selepas try utk cari remedies seperti confess kat org kau rindu orang tu tak pu. Buat puisi tah pape, barulah selepasnya cari tuhan.)

Sungguhlah bersama tuhan tu tak pernah rasa kosong.

And yeah, I am a human, a pathetic one, I sin and I forgot.
And I feel stupid sometimes, like a real dumb idiotic human being, whenever I feel like I am so lonely, and of course sad about it, I think of the temporary cure. Yes, human— I thought of, it must be good to have someone that I can cuddle with, talk to, laugh with,  etc. But then, those are just a temporary thang that will eventually makes me feel lonely agin sometimes right. Kerana hakikatnya manusia pun tak mampu bersama kita setiap waktu, dan tuhan je yang sentiasa ada setiap waktu, ironinya, kita tak selaly ingat dia dulu bila kita rasa lonely, we crave for human attention, we crave for humans love, sedangkan, kasih sayang tuhan dan perhatian tuhan sentiasa tak lekang dari kita, cuma kita manusia, selalu nak yang fizikal, yang bisa dilihat.
Hakikat juga.
Tapi, itulah aku, I hate myself for feeling lonely, I hate myself for craving for that kind of attention, feeling pathetic over and over again pada diri sebab tak merasa cukup dengan adanya Tuhan.
Jenuh jadi manusia begini, susah nak bersyukur, sukar nak merasa cukup.
Sigh, human I am. A very typical one.

Dan inilah benda yang ada difikiran aku sepanjang aku dekat sana. 
I was thinking of such unnecessary things, I cried over this loneliness lah sangat and  I dream of a very bad dream every night, when I was there,  I tot Ive been cursed or what. 
But, Alhamdulillah, to be able to say this here, instead of just keeping it inside me and ruin me slowly, I manage to spill it here, freely

Moga moga sesiapa yang persis kayak aku,
Sedang merasa kosongnya diri, kosongnya ruang disekeliling,
Bakal tuhan penuhkan dengan cinta dan perhatian-Nya yang sudah sekian lama ada cuma kita yang tak menyedari.
Moga moga, ameen.
Malem,
Malaysia.
0107,140917