Another rant

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Another day,  another rant.
Hi,
I am not fine.
I feel really bad right now. Thus,  I am out here, sitting alone on this cold bench,  with my one and only red-ish bottle,  a sketch book,  my room keys and a pencil.
I feel bad about myself. And I hate it.
I feel bad for being a burden. To alot of people.
I feel totally lost and wanting to die.
I am crying because I burden alot of people this few days,  this few week. 
My parents, my family,  my friend.
They are doing great,  they are too nice. And even those few days,  I even burden a lecturer of mine.  And maybe my fellow friend-ish stranger from my class. 
I and hopeless nd such a burden.  To a lot of people. Why should I live?
Will I ever feel good about myself?
I cant make my own decisions. I hurt other people,
They said its okay.  I am different. What makes me one? 
They shouldn't have sacrifice a lot for me.  I should just end everything. Why am I behaving like this.  Why am I being such a burden to everyone.  Why can't I just be norml nd stand on my own feet and do things on my own. Oh lord.  What a great day to feel this hopeless and useless. 
And guess what.  That one person. Hi you.  Yes you.  Who dont care about me.  Its okay,  you dont have to.  Its okay.  You jist dont like me arent you.  Its okay.  I like you.  Alot.  Now I get it why you treat me differently. Because you dont like the fact that I like you.  You know about it dont you?  I m being too obvious aren't I. Dun worry.  Its okay.  I am okay with it.  I understand now.  Tho it hurts but its okay pain is my another name.  And i guess I got alot.  Miserable, crazy, stupid, rich asian
Eh. 

Do i feel better now?  After everything out and crying alone.  Yes, maybe a bit better. I feel relieve but no,  I still want to cry more.  Its too suffocating inside of my heart.  And I just want to let it out, yeah by crying.  Cuz thats the only way I acn avoid to burden other people again. 

I need to be okay infront of everyone.  So that they'll never feel burden.  No i shouldn't.  Rely on people.  Ill be another burden for them.  Its okay slowly, you can run and stop everything all at once,  someday.

Lord make me strong tho I know I am not.
Goodnight. 0016 300918