Sit and rant

Now I can sit and rant,  properly.
It almost three weeks since the hellish week. And things have been disturbing everytime I remember those days.  Those flashbacks of scream and scary gaze from a stranger.  I start to feel cold and fast heartbeat.  I am scared. Too scred, I hate myself for being this scared when he is younger than me.  I hate myself for being scared over berlakon shit they said. 

I dont understand.  As someone who have big trauma with screaming and angry voices, I dont understand why do we have to choose the force and some sort of anger to discipline people.  I dont understand why do we have to menjerit melolong, to make people hear us. 
Can we just speak softly, can we just try to sound more persuasive instead of those fierce face, stern voice, or even ⚡from afar anger ish voice.

Everytime when peope starts to scream and have that kind of scary face with scary tone in their voice,  my whole body just start to shivers. My breath starts to be unstable. Every inch of my body starts to feel total numb,  I need to hold myself together to stand strong and act like I am okay,  which is totally impossible.

I dont find it amusing at all.  Too much of marah marah and all will bring more bad than good. But still some people think that marah marah is the first resort for disciplining.

And I will never understand, because I never wnt to be the one who hurt other people with their words.  Banyak dah dosa lain, kalau satu ni pun tak jaga jugak,  susah.

And yeah, persuasive or bese2 style always win over those menjerit marah.