invalid

meluah rasa adalah perkara tersukar bagiku,
lebih rela aku menelan duka dari meluah pahit tak diendah.

I have trust issue, and I guess everyone does, its either mild, or severe.
and thats why I guess I get this depressing mental illness that theres no end to it.

I dont like to tell people how I feel,
they might say and deny me,
the thought of being deny for what I feel,
the thought of how invalid of me to have certain feeling and problem, makes me have this issue with myself that, 'I dont have problem. I am okay.' but in the end, I caught myself crying depressingly before i end up fall into deep sleep.
I thought it was normal to cry before sleep every night. I thought it was normal to feel scared of people. I thought it is normal to feel suicidal every time. I thought everyone feel the same.
But never I saw any of my roomate cry before they went to sleep.

and I guess I just need to live with it,
or just die.